Postcards From Across the Pond

I had the unfortunate occasion to read an article about micro-plastics the other day. Here’s the tl;dr version: There is no good news. The human race is essentially a huge lab experiment run by the petrochemical companies to see just how much plastic can infiltrate the human body before it becomes lethal. “Poison is all about the dose,” one chemist cheerfully related.

I didn’t lose any sleep over it, and I’m sure you’ve stumbled across similarly alarming articles without letting them ruin your day. I’m not here to do that, either. I mention it only to brag about the fact that I had long ago predicted this.

Years ago, when scientists first began furrowing their brows over invisible plastic, I realized the logical conclusion was an eventual, though inevitable, toxicity, and by the time that became apparent, there would be too much plastic in the environment (and us) to do anything about it, heralding the end of the human race, as well as, perhaps, all life on earth.

I understand that stating this is akin to smugly observing, “I told you the engine was going to fall off,” as the plane tumbles to the earth, but that isn’t my intention. As a writer, I didn’t fret, I started writing a book about it.

The Exodus Connection was originally awash in micro-plastics, taking place in a world with a plummeting population and a repressive government desperately forcing women to have babies, and it was going pretty well until I belatedly read Margaret Atwood’s classic novel and realized I was writing The Handmaid’s Tale. This made me rethink the plot and now it has gone in a different direction, but you’ll have to wait for the book because that’s not what I came to talk about.

The article (mentioned above; keep up), grim though it was, merely impressed on us that it was something we could incorporate into our already healthy lifestyle. We’re not fanatics, we simply strive, in our day-to-day, to lean toward beneficial activities where our existence is concerned: fresh air, exercise, healthy eating, no bungee jumping, and we gave up fire juggling years ago. It was natural, therefore, that we should decide to lessen the impact (it’s impossible to eliminate it; don’t even try) of micro-plastics in our lives. We didn’t go crazy, we just made a few, small changes.

In my zeal to attain perfect hydration, I had two drinking bottles, both plastic, that I drank from every day. The largest of them held a half gallon, and I was expected to drink it in a day. Generally, it lasted the better part of a week, and taught me an important truth: water is heavy. When it was full, it was difficult to drink from. What I did was swap them for metal bottles, which are more versatile as I can use them for hot drinks as well. So, win-win.

But while we were in TK Maxx picking them out, our thoughts turned to the kitchen, which was filled with plastic containers. We use them to store stuff in the fridge or freezer, allowing the dreaded petro-plastic microbes to leech into our food. And then—horror!—we microwaved the food in them, which is a big No-No in the fight against micro-plastics. And so, we bought glass containers.

But deciding which plastic containers to recycle* took some thought, especially when my wife pointed out that some of them had been brought over from America with me and therefore, potentially, had nostalgic value. (They didn’t.)

Seriously. What was I thinking.

The end result is, we have decimated the amount of plastic in our kitchen, which should dramatically reduce the micro-plastics in our food, which is already as micro-plastic-free as it can be. (Another win-win!)

Feeling as if I have made a positive change in my life, I can now fill my metal bottle with micro-plastic-infused water from the tap**, allow it to ferment in the ecologically friendly thermos, and feel the righteousness just ooze out of me as I drink it.

Or is that the micro-plastic residue I’m feeling?

* After extensive research (we googled it) we discovered that you cannot recycle or even donate used plastic containers. So, no win-win here.

**On the bright side, I have read that you can remove 90% of the micro-plastics in your tap water by simply boiling it.